I love my friends, but they're not really friends. Basicly because they all want to sleep with me, and sometimes I have obliged, and been too promiscuous. However, I am starting to realize the burden one inherits when taking on a past romance as a friend. They use things against you: the past, your behavior, a few slip-ups.... they all add up. When I am tired of the arrangement they are already in love/lust/like with me so they are hurt and I am just left feeling slightly guilty and bored. Maybe I am heartless? But I do feel slightly guilty, really! You only get what you give. They dish out a lot of shit. Then they stomp and cry and whine when I feed it back to them. Sorry, I am not a stagnant person, I don't sit and wait around for good things to come to me, I get out there and find them. I am not complacent with just doing enough to get by, unlike all of you. You can be fun, but most of the time, you just sadden me. I always tell myself it's just easier to keep people at arms distance, it's easier for both of us, because nothing is really certain about our lives, especially not the people we want so desperately to believe in.

certainty

bright lights tinged with the shadow of deceit. Everyone is so hung up on the hotness the moistness The ugliness that pushes up from below. Your tragedy is your appeal and you wear it quite well. when you have existed so long vacant of certainty the end of uncertainty becomes something to be feared. A fate worse than death this screaming assurance.